The best caddie jokes in golf


As long as there has been golf, there has been the quipping caddie, cracking the one-liners shot at their three-jack, shanking day-employers, otherwise known as the hacking golfer. At Pinehurst, even with a century-long history of great caddies, many of whom are institutions themselves, we can neither confirm nor deny such activity thrives on the likes of Pinehurst No. 2 or our other golf courses.*

*We do, however, remember producing a video a couple of years ago that spent half a day on our Facebook page. In the video, we recreated a few of these adored quips and jokes and sneers. As you can imagine, it was initially very popular, was beginning to spread rapidly – and then was quickly deemed entirely too offensive to allow to continue with unfettered access on the interwebs. Alas, the video has been destroyed, never to be shown again. (Wait, what is this flash drive? Hmmmmm.)

Many of these quips are well-known, of course, and some you may have even heard here and there. And in the spirit of this day, let us all enjoy them once more. (And if you have more, feel free to leave them in the comments section below. Just keep them (relatively) clean.)


Golfer hits a shot way right
Player: “What’s over there?”
Caddie: “Bogeys.”

Player: “Can we get there with a 5 iron?”
Caddie: “Eventually.”

Golfer swings
Caddie: “I’ve seen better strokes in intensive care.”

Golfer swings
Caddie: “I believe you have a loft problem.”
Player: “Really, a loft problem?”
Caddie: “Yup. Lack Of Freaking Talent.”

Player: “What’s long over the green?”
Caddie: “A 6 or 7.”

Ball stuck behind a tree
Player: “Is this the best you could do?”
Caddie: “You should’ve seen where it was.”

Golfer swings, disgusted
Player: “This is the worst I’ve ever played.”
Caddie: “Not true. You were much worse yesterday.”


Golfer swings a driver
Caddie: “You have a great short game. Unfortunately, it’s off the tee.”

Ball in air on a par-3
Caddie: “Short.”
Player: “Short?!”
Ball lands on false front and rolls off.
Caddie: “That’s a GVR. Green Visited in Regulation.”

Golfer swings
Caddie: “You know, fairways do come with the greens fee.”

Golfer swings
Player: “Where’d it go?”
Caddie: “Left.”
Player: “How far left?”
Caddie: “When you see Nancy Pelosi, you’re getting close.”

Player: “What should I hit?”
Caddie: “Try the fairway.”


Putt comes up just short
Caddie: “That’s a Cuban.”
Player: “A Cuban?”
Caddie: “One more revolution and it would’ve been perfect.”

Golfer skulls a chip over the green
Caddie: “Tough green to hit from there.”

Player: “I’m so freaking mad I feel like breaking something.”
Caddie: “How about par?”